caroli9's Blog

thought i was going to faint today

i had to get down low to the floor.

Just incase i was going to fall.

i didnt.

i think my too hard basket is full.

weird feelings tonight.

Like floating but grounded.

Open yet guarded.

excited but nervous.

wanting yet cautious.

thoughts in check & plaid.

* sigh *

Had such a Topsy tervy day.

Random stupid thoughts pounding in my head.

Hard to outrun a determined mind tho.

and some thoughts have a way of catching you unaware.

Stupid thoughts but what can i say,

Maybe I should have stayed in bed.

Nah and be sleepless with dreams instead ?

My random thoughts would still be there.

Interesting it brings me here.

Nothing ..... nothing and my thoughts are clear. Nothing no more haha.

just then i realized that i had not a thought of you till just then.

And now nevermore .. wish you well. God speed .. etc

"PLONK" was the sound of this little fish diving head first in this fish pond.

and straight to work this fishy went and didn't look beyond.

Plenty of hooks to dodge for this poor little fish.

this new pond for little fish was alot smaller than she imagined it.

Swim little fishy... swim. for you have lots of work to do !

Swim little fishy SWIM !! for there are Parana behind you !!

So little fishy swims all day in her new pond.

thinking that one day ......

Ive been thinking again. And it wont stop. The noise in my head is beating louder and louder.

I want to tell him that i love him. I want him to tell me he loves me. its so quiet qithout him around. I shall surely go mad. But i cant.

i wont.

I dont know why i feel i should tell him that .. I understand. And i love him more because of what he is doing.

whatever that is.

I want him to be happy. I basically told him i made a choice and that im going and if i keep seeing him my family will wash there hands of me.

i want him to love me.

I have not heard from him.... i think about him all the time. 

I want to stop.

i want to stop. I need to move past this... this fear of letting go. I want to cry out to him ... why isnt he here.

where are you :( ?  

but I CANT !! I HAVE to move on .... i have to. nothing can good can come from staying at home and doing nothing.

i must go to bed. Although i know i will be thinking , dreaming, thinking 

Breathing in the morning air when i spotted it. A Big juicy strawberry just sitting in the dirt.

And i looked up and noticed it was right in front of the basketball hoop.

And i thought ' i should go and pick up that strawberry and put it in the bin.'

then i had another thought ' I'll just have my coffee first '

And as i was about to have a sip of my Coffee i saw the basketball.

 I looked at the Hoop and i thought 'I can get it in from here'

So i put down the coffee pick up the ball and went for the three pointer ... and as i run in for the rebound.....

I step right on the Strawberry so i turn my head to look cause its gross and the basketball THUMP !! hits me right on the head.

So the Ball is up in the air Straight in the direction of My Coffee

Nooooooooo

The basketball sends my coffee airborne its spinning and flicking coffee everywhere !!!

And as i braced my self for the crash the basketball just slowly rolled to the same spot i picked it up from and just stopped dead as my coffee and cup hit the dirt.

Cup undamaged

Coffee EVERYWHERE

and the first thought to pop into my head was ' Should have picked up that Strawberry '

Captain is thinking ..... and time does stop ......for the Captain. Here i can start to say something and ground control listens ..... I'M in a SPACE SHIP !!! of course they will listen .....

Anyway ( whispers)  we havee been invaded by creatures unknowm ( whispers slower ) I D O  N T K N    o W w T f i g o  c f 0 *

captain Knows that readers will understand code ..... its very simple ..... really :)

am tring to understand wtf they are saying .....ckshhhhhhhhhhhhhh

So here i am ... typing away and i thought of something really AMAZING !!!! First ...

I am sitting in the dark testing my typing skills .... and then ...

OK .. so i cheated and turned on a lamp  !!!  Its at the far end of the room !!! its a small light !!!! Geepers ...

OK so i am typing by the light of my lamp ...  YES ITS STILL DARK  !!! PFFFTTT whatever :P

anyway ... umm ... oh crap .. Ive forgotten what i was about to say ... dammit !! and it was really important ..  i remember that much ..... CRAP N DIP I could of saved the world and everything .. 

ARGHHHHH  hate that  ...

anyway I'LL be back ...

Stupid light ... stupid ...err .. am i still on ?????

Call me Auntie Caroli9 for that is what i will be in 8 months time. 

I am thrilled and will endeavor to be the best Auntie in the world.  :D

My daughter asked how long till we can see the baby. I told her it takes 9 months for a baby to grow inside the womb and then we shall meet he or she.

She said "  Oh well ..... at least she knows where it is. "   

hahahahahaha   hahahahaha  * wipes a tear *

I love the way children think.  

As i wrote a comment on someones post ... a mouse chewed my foot.

NO SHIT !!! 

it nibbled my foot ... i looked down and it looked up at me and then ran off... 

I am not a lion in need of being released from a net ...

hmmm ... * shrugs *  Stranger things have happened

After etc and Blah blah blah ... I need what i know and know what i need .

I have finally got it ...

Its so UNREAL !!!

I want to Roll

The Sun rises,

its another day.

The morning has begun.

The Sun above,

the day is long.

How long have you been gone ?

I look out above,

at the setting Sun.

Waiting for my love.

CR

While i was having a little holiday I thought it would be fun to try the Hot Dog 

 ( a Huge Rubber thing that looks like a hot dog that gets dragged behind a speedboat ) 

 Oh the Joy.

Step 1.  Put on the wetsuit ( so the water doesn't go up your *Ahem* )

I had never put on a Wetsuit and don't think i will again. It was like squeezing into new skin that was three sizes too small.  and as it was by the Lake... there where no dressing rooms. it is not a quick process.

Step 2. The life Jacket ...

which wasn't too bad.. considering the wet suit was crushing my body. At least i would float cause i doubted id be able to use my arms to swim.

Step 3. Getting on the Hot Dog...

Easy peezy ... you sit on it in a kneeling position and hang onto the strap. I felt like i was on a bull at a rodeo

Step 4.  TAKE OFF ....

Hang on for dear life cause all the driver of the speedboat wants is for you to go flying through the air and face plant into the water.

Step 5. Did i mention Hang on for dear life ?

Step 6.  Once you have face planted its time to get back on the thing.

Did i mention the wetsuit ?  Well once the ringing in my ears had stopped and i made sure i wasn't bleeding from my eyes... I had to get back on the thing.

I held onto the strap and tried to lift my leg over ... err ... did i mention the wetsuit ?  no foot grips... deep water...

Step 7. Again .. i cant stress this enough "Hang on and don't let go !!! "

Once the speedboat driver realized it was more fun watching me get back on the Hot Dog ... his inner Demon took over.

I did hang on for what seemed like an eternity and i was beginning to enjoy the wind in my face and the speed... Until My face hit what felt like concrete.. and I made a mental note to myself as i floated on the water .... Close eyes and mouth... and kill him.

Step 8.  trying to get back on the boat when your body feels like you have been beaten up. 

Thinking of murder but too weak to lift arms .. wanting the jaws of life to get the wetsuit off because it was now a part of me. But after 10 minutes of wrestling off the wet suit my only thought was get my arse to the nearest pub for a drink.

THERE ARE NO PHOTOS OR VIDEO EVIDENCE OF THIS .... I made sure :)

I never quite understood. 

Maybe i just didn't want to see.

It was always there in the Darkness. 

I dont want to be Alone.

Doesn't make me sad but it does make my chest hurt.

What does it make me ?

Who am i now that i know ?

Maybe I will never understand.

Maybe its better that i don't.